Biting News has learned that Antifa has acquired American Express in a hostile takeover. We were curious about this unexpected move from the domestic terrorist group and phoned Antifa’s global Chairman Holden McGroyne to find out why.

McGroyne told Biting News: “We launched a successful membership card last year. It offered corporate discounts, a get-out-of-jail-free program in Portland, and other member-only perks.”

“But we always felt we could do better. Antifa makes good money from its protection rackets, but last year corporate money started flowing in en masse. We found ourselves awash with cash and wanted to upgrade our membership card.”

“I’m proud to announce the launch of our new Antifa Express Platinum Card. And thanks to our recent acquisition we’re able to offer a range of benefits aspiring terrorists simply won’t find in any other group.”

“Our members get all the regular benefits of the Amex Platinum card. But unlike that card, our members will have their extortionate annual fee waived if they can prove they’ve burned down 5 police stations. Even better, this new card gets you out of jail free anywhere the Democratic Party has control of the Prosecutor’s office.”

“That’s why we think we’ll capture the best of the new terrorists currently being churned out by Yale, Harvard and other boot camps. Yes, the new Antifa Express Platinum Card takes domestic terrorism to the next level. Don’t burn down a home without it!”