Google CEO Sundar Pichai today summoned the press and announced that Google has acquired Hell.
Pichai cast a glittering eye over the gathered press before describing the reasons behind the unexpected move.
“We were unhappy at the poor quality of evil manifested by Satan and his demons. We decided this was an issue of management and acquired Hell so it can be run properly. After all, nobody does evil like us.”
“Hell is currently run like a bronze-age institution and that’s not good enough in today’s high-tech world. There are countless opportunities to ramp up evil by introducing modern management techniques and HR practices. For example, next week we’re forcing Satan and his demons to undergo diversity training.”
“One of our early efficiencies is to utilize the sheer concentration of evil here at Google HQ to open a new ultra-wide portal to the netherworld. We plan to use it to summon demons, juice up deadly viruses, make kick-arse horror movies, and siphon off excess heat for the executive floor.”
I happened to find an old song about #JoeBiden down the back of my couch...
For more snark and satire check out - https://biting.news/?r=locals
Facebook today introduced #Woke Orientated Programming (W.O.P.)! This entirely new programming paradigm runs code in a safe space to ensure programmers (present and future) aren't offended by the algorithms, functions and methods they write.
W.O.P. has no constants and is an Extremely loosely typed language (ELTL). This ensures all constants can transition into any other type of data entity, including functions, objects, methods and properties to suit the needs of the woke cult. An experienced programmer may think a W.O.P. program is difficult to debug. Not so! All bugs are cancelled immediately when reported to Facebook moderators.
