Matt Hancock is the UK Health Secretary. He recently led the charge to extend the UK’s lockdown beyond its original June deadline. And thanks to an expose in today's Sun newspaper, now we know why...
On learning of the Sun's expose, Matt Hancock immediately announced he had contracted a lethal new variant of covid.
“The new variant makes a person especially horny,” claimed Hancock. “My closest aid caught it too and that’s why we decided to extend the lockdown until further notice.”
“Because this new variant makes people misbehave in ways that can be (polite cough) exhilarating, it’s important their loved ones show understanding and forgiveness at this difficult time.”
Biting News asked Secretary Hancock why the new variant is thought to be especially lethal. “I meant it's politically lethal” replied Hancock. “It could well end my career.”
I happened to find an old song about #JoeBiden down the back of my couch...
For more snark and satire check out - https://biting.news/?r=locals
Facebook today introduced #Woke Orientated Programming (W.O.P.)! This entirely new programming paradigm runs code in a safe space to ensure programmers (present and future) aren't offended by the algorithms, functions and methods they write.
W.O.P. has no constants and is an Extremely loosely typed language (ELTL). This ensures all constants can transition into any other type of data entity, including functions, objects, methods and properties to suit the needs of the woke cult. An experienced programmer may think a W.O.P. program is difficult to debug. Not so! All bugs are cancelled immediately when reported to Facebook moderators.
